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There are many books out there, but what are the best books on intimacy? That’s the question I’m trying to answer with this post.
This is a post that will continue to change over time as new books are added. Making a list of the best books on intimacy does not mean that I have read all the books in the world on intimacy.
The books on this list are here because I have read them. If there are books that you have read that I did not list here, then shoot me a note and I will check them out.
The numbered list does not denote that one book is better than another. Which one of these books is the absolute best? I can’t pick one.
I have gotten a lot from every single one of these books and so can you. Let me know what you think.
1. The Passionate Marriage by David Schnarch, PhD
That there are a slew of therapists currently practicing in the United States based on the work of Dr. David Schnarch is no accident.
In fact all you have to do is listen to a few podcasts about intimacy in relationships and you will find out that many people are simply riffing off of Dr. Schnarch’s work.
Passionate Marriage is an intense book. It is the kind of work that you read and get the feeling you ought to reread it again.
The Passionate Marriage is full of nuggets and direction. Dr. Schnarch’s work is brutal in some ways. One of the best ideas to come out of Dr. Schnarch’s book is the idea that in a conflict, you should focus on what you are contributing to the conflict.
This self-focus is better than focusing on what your partner is doing. This is one of the most difficult things for humans to do. We have a hard time looking at ourselves and seeing our flaws.
It is much easier to simply blame the other person for what we think they have done wrong in the scenario. But the book is much more than that.
Dr. Schnarch uses examples from his own life as a person who is studying intimacy and what can be done to improve it. He touches on the fact that even he has struggled with holding onto himself when in conflict with hi wife.
It is overall one of the best books on intimacy ever written. It is one of the first books I read when my marriage was a little rocky.
It opened my eyes to the fact that my partner was not alone in this tension. I had played a role and I had to own up to it so that things could improve. I suggest you take turns reading it with your partner before bed.
Discover the Power of Intimacy: Strengthen Your Relationship
Maintain Intimacy in Marriage: Proven Methods for Connection
Effective Intimacy Building Exercises: Strengthen Your Bond
Understanding Intimacy: The Key to Meaningful Relationships
Foster Intimacy Beyond Romance: Tips for Family and Friend Connections
2. The Seven Principles for Making Marriage Work by John Gottman, PhD
You can’t see a couple’s therapist without the name Gottman coming up. Okay, maybe you will find someone who hadn’t heard of Dr. Gottman.
There is a reason why Dr. Gottman is considered the country’s foremost expert on relationship. Through decades of research and formulations, Dr. Gottman has created frameworks for therapists to use to figure out what is going on within a relationship.
He has trained many would be therapists through the Gottman Institute to provide their patients the best therapy they can possibly get.
This is simply to say the man knows exactly what he is talking about when it comes to helping couples achieve the best relationships they can have.
The Seven Principles for Making Marriage Work is the culmination of decades of research and training. It is a straightforward look at what couples can do to reach common ground.
The book creates a path for couples that care about the health of their relationship. It helps couples achieve greater levels of intimacy.
The book is full of exercises and research based information straight from the Gottman Institute to guide you to achieve your full potential. We should all want to maximize the potential of our relationships.
Very few relationships maintain their trajectory without some work. Thanks to Dr. Gottman’s work, you don’t have to do the hard work in the dark.
You have a blueprint. This does not mean that this is going to be easy work. If you have had a lot of issues in your relationship, this work will be hard.
But at least there is a framework that you can use to reach a level of enlightenment in your union.
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3. Mating in Captivity by Esther Perel, PhD
This has to be my favorite book on intimacy. It is the book that I recommend to friends the most. Even people who have a great relationship will benefit from reading Esther Perel’s Mating in Captivity.
It is one of the best books on intimacy because Dr. Perel deconstructs relationships and their development from the initial lust stage all the way to the complacency of long-term intimate relationships.
Dr. Perel does not hold back in her conclusions about relationships. She ekes out the troubles we all face when we become familiarized in our relationships and stop doing the things that made our partners fall in love with us in the first place.
The book points out the fact that the closeness of long-term unions is also what is problematic about them.
After being with one person for a long time, we tend to become attached to that person to the point that we expect one person to do what our community and friends and parents used to do.
This sort of demand can kill a relationship because it creates an environment where we start to feel suffocated. Mating in Captivity is a book worth its weight in gold as the saying goes.
The title itself spells out the dangers of unmanaged monogamy. Dr. Perel is a fantastic therapist who does well not to inject herself into her practice, making room for the reader to see the answers long before they are presented.
You will find yourself agreeing to so many things in the book. It is without doubt one of the best books on intimacy that I have ever read and made a huge difference in my relationship.
Pick it up as soon as possible, or grab the audible version so that you can listen to it with your partner.
4. The Seven Levels of Intimacy by Matthew Kelly
We avoid intimacy. That’s a fact. We all want to be loved. Some of us even want to be in love.
We look for that deep, all encompassing love that we see in the movies and read about. So why do we run away from the thing we want the most? The answer is not so simple.
Humans are fragile. We don’t want to be hurt. But running away from what you desire will end up hurting you in the long term. Intimacy can be built. It can be developed.
We don’t have to scout the dark corners of the world looking for intimacy. Matthew Kelly’s The Seven Levels of Intimacy, teaches the reader a practical way to develop the self-awareness necessary to be able to share ourselves with others.
The best part of living an intimate life is that you get to open yourself up to someone so deeply that they get to truly know you. This is not something that you get to develop in a casual encounter.
When you change your approach to your relationships, you discover a deeper more meaningful part of yourself. This makes you better positioned to welcome someone else into your life.
Look at reading The Seven Levels of Intimacy as an investment in yourself. I have always held the belief that you can’t expect someone to love you if you cannot love yourself.
Intimacy starts internally. When you are your better self, it makes it easy to show someone else your world.
5. She Comes First by Ian Kerner, PhD
Is there a man left on this planet who has not read Dr. Ian Kerner’s She Comes First? Yes, unfortunately there are.
This is a problem that needs to be remedied as soon as possible. It is an issue close to my heart. She Comes First is one of the best books on intimacy and sexuality ever written.
I mean it is in my top two of books that must be read by every man or every single being who loves making love with women. My eternal love for women means that I will likely evangelize the merits of Ian Kerner’s She Comes First until I’m gray and out of breath.
Most men believe that they’re good at sex. Pop culture has done its part to convince us that we are really good in bed.
We tend to think that what we’re doing is working perfectly fine for our partners. The problem is that most women do not speak up.
Women tend to shy away from expressing their sexuality or asking for what they want or need. A lot of women do not achieve orgasm through penis in vagina sex.
This is a fact that is not evidently clear to men. Dr. Ian Kerner’s She Comes First is a manual of the highest order. The book goes over the ins and out of the vagina and vulva –news to most men.
It then gives men and women a roadmap for how to bring their partner to climax. She Comes First is everything you wanted to know about sex and intimacy but your fourth rate sex education refused to teach you.
It is unquestionably one of the best books on intimacy. You can also read his follow-up He Comes Next if your partner is male. It is equally as important a read.
6. The Guide to Getting it On by Paul Joannides, PsyD
If there is one book that must be read by young people, especially high school students, it is Paul Joannides’ Guide to Getting It On.
I remember what it was like being a young person, being interested in all things related to sex and intimacy. In the teenage years, you simply do not know where to get information.
Beyond that, getting good accurate information is even much harder to achieve. Talking to your parents about sex is weird, but your friends tend to give you incorrect information.
That we live in an increasingly puritan society does not help us. This is the space where Paul Joannides’ book belongs.
It is the quintessential answer to all the questions you have ever had about sex and intimacy. The book is the guide every single person curious about sex and not knowing how to go about it, needs to read.
It is frank and fresh. Guide to Getting It On is one of the best books on intimacy because it holds your hand through your self-discovery. Joannides’ work is full of gems.
The book does a better job than every teacher who has been handed the mantle of teaching sex education in school –something that rarely happens in the United States these days.
Rather than forcing the gym teacher to stand in front of a class of teenagers trying to explain the ins and outs of sexuality, school districts would be better off simple handing a copy of this book to every student.
As long as a student can read, they will learn much more from Guide to Getting It On. Parents often fool themselves into thinking that their children are pure.
The matter of fact is that your kids are going to learn about sex. Do you want them to learn about sex the way you learned it? Fumbling in the dark?
Or do you want them to get a proper education about sex, intimacy, pleasure, protection, from a qualified professional? The answer is clear.
Get a copy and hand it to the teens in your life. You don’t even have to talk to them.
7. The State of Affairs by Esther Perel, PhD
When it comes to affairs, a few things tend to run through our minds. Why did the cheater decide to do what they did? What changed in the relationship? Could this have been prevented?
If you have ever been cheated on, you know how much it hurts. You think that you have built a strong relationship with someone who has promised to be yours. And then an affair happens.
Sometimes affairs happen because there is something missing. They happen because someone is afraid that their lives are changing too much.
There are myriad reasons why affairs happen. This is where Esther Perel’s The State of Affairs comes in. The State of Affairs is absolutely one of the vest books on intimacy that you will ever read.
It addresses head on, the issue that haunts many marriages and long-term relationships. Esther Perel dives into the fact that affairs have a lot to teach us about relationships.
The book digs into the intricacies of love and desire. In long-term unions, we tend to believe that we are owed our partner’s love just as much as we are owed their body.
The longer we are together, the deeper the beliefs get ingrained in our minds. So when an affair takes place, it feels like a personal attack.
We have a hard time accepting the fact that the affair may not have had anything to do with us. Our partner’s cheating may not be because they’re rejecting us.
In her usual direct and unapologetic manner, Esther Perel takes the reader on a journey to figure out why we are so tethered to our love for our partner.
We are so attached that we can sometimes end up suffocating our loved ones. Supplement this great book with a listen to her Audible series Where Should We Begin?
8. Sheet Music: Uncovering the Secrets of Sexual Intimacy in Marriage by Kevin Leman, PhD
I have to admit it is odd for me to put this one on the list. I would not have picked up this book if I weren’t already a fan of Dr. Leman.
If you haven’t read his book on parenting, Have A New Kid By Friday, which is an absolute must read.
Sheet Music: Uncovering the Secrets of Sexual Intimacy in Marriage is unique in that it looks at intimacy through the lens of religion and belief. What tends to be common belief in secular society is that religious people have a muted relationship with intimacy and sexuality.
Churches have done their dammed best to make Christians feel like sex is a dirty word that they must wash themselves of.
The truth of the matter is that anyone who has ever really read the bible knows that it is full of sex. Just read the Song of Solomon in the bible and you would think whoever wrote that section was filthy as hell.
So our religious neighbors have been often misled about sex and what “God” wants for them. It is at this intersection where Dr. Leman’s Sheet Music makes its entrance.
The book addresses intimacy and sexuality in a way that respects the sensitivities of the religious crowd but yet still gives them the permission to go forth and enjoy all that sex and intimacy have to offer them, guilt free.
Just because you are religious does not mean that you should not talk about or enjoy a healthy sex life.
Organized religion has done its part to screw too many people out of the pleasures of the flesh. Sheet Music is a frank and practical book on intimacy that addresses an issue that is a big part of married couples’ lives.
Compliment this book with the Sexy Marriage Radio Podcast, which also caters to Christians but is frank about sex and intimacy.
9. The Dance of Intimacy by Harriet Lerner, PhD
Intimacy is challenging. It can be difficult, especially once the first few months of lust have dissipated.
We have to deal with a lot of variables when considering the health of our intimate relationships. Things like distance and miscommunication can deal a deathblow to our intimacy if we are not careful.
Dr. Lerner is world renowned for her masterful way of layering steps for the reader to be able to better understand where they are in their intimate relationship.
She helps the reader figure out what is hurting their intimacy and what they can do about it. The Dance of Intimacy is one of the best books on intimacy because it teaches us about specific changes we can make.
It is not just a book of theory that tells you everything you are doing wrong. You as the reader must also be a participant in the evaluation of your intimate life.
Readers seeking a more connected intimate life with their partners would gain a lot from reading Dr. Lerner’s book. The Dance of Intimacy is full of real case studies that examine the lives of people with very difficult relationships.
You get a chance to be a fly on the wall as these people learn how to take the slow march towards a better intimacy. Changes that are necessary for an optimal life are hardly overnight.
This is what makes this book such a good read. You can see a path forward for challenging intimate relationships. As long as you are willing to do the work, you will reap the benefits.
10. Touch Me There By Yvonne K. Fulbright, PhD
In a perfect world, we would always have a roadmap for all our needs. In the realm of sexuality, intimacy and satisfaction, seldom do we get a roadmap.
Yvonne K. Fulbright’s Touch Me There is such a roadmap. As the title suggests, it is a book about touch. It is a book about finding pleasure on the human body.
We’ve all heard a lot about erogenous zones and how important they are to pleasure on the human body. But few of us know exactly what turns our partner on.
Some of us don’t even know what turns us on. I know it may seem strange for someone not to know what turns him or her on, but the truth is that there are many people who are still running around in the world completely out of touch with their own bodies.
Touch Me There is a guide for all of us to find the zones that are key to both our own bodies and our partner’s body. It is the definitive guide for touch play.
The book is very thorough. Dr. Fulbright gives the reader an extensive lesson on the different parts of the body and then highlights the parts of the body that are the hot spots and keys to sexual satisfaction for both men and women.
This book is jam-packed with information. You will learn how to properly stimulate your partner to climax. At the same time you will learn about spots on the human body that you would not have imagined as erogenous before, can actually be turn on to bring the receiver deep pleasure.
As the saying goes, take your pleasure seriously or no one else will. Touch Me There is a book that you will want to come back to over and over, and that’s why it is one of the best books on intimacy.
11. Intimacy and Desire by David Schnarch, PhD
Can we use marital conflict to our advantage? The answer to that question is what powers Dr. David Schnarch’s book Intimacy and Desire: Awaken Passion in Your Relationship.
Dr. Schnarch suggests that sexual problems in a relationship are not necessarily a problem. The conflicts that long-term relationships run into in the bedroom tend to be fed by problems in the relationship that carryover.
Dr. Schnarch views sexual problems as simply symptomatic. In his brilliant book, he provides case studies of real couples that have come to him for therapy and walks them through solutions for what ailed their relationship.
You will learn from this book that it is possible to turn a marital conflict into a stronger relationship. Couples who don’t fight tend to be the ones who are doing everything to avoid confrontation.
However, confrontation can be a good thing in a long-term union. The longer you are together, the more problems you will have to face.
Not facing problems is what tends to create the animosity that leads to a non-existent sex-life. Unlike Dr. Schnarch’s patients, the reader gets a roadmap for how to tackle these issues before they become so big that they end up facing divorce or couple’s therapy.
As with anything written by Dr. Schnarch, Intimacy and Desire is a practical book full of ideas and will open your mind.
Compliment this book with The Passionate Marriage, equally brilliant by Dr. David Schnarch.
12. Daring to Trust by David Richo, PhD
While communication or lack thereof can destroy any relationship, trust is equally as important. Trust creates an everlasting bond between two people, or even communities and countries.
It is one of the most important tools humans have in their interactions with one another. So when there is a breakdown in trust, there is sometimes irreparable damage done to the relationship.
David Richio’s Daring to Trust tackles the issue of trust in a way few books have done before. It examines the important role trust place in all relationships and what can happen when that trust is broken.
Issues such as jealousy, insecurity and a wanting to control your significant other are all part of what can happen when there is a trust deficit according to Daring to Trust.
The book teaches the reader that in order to overcome these issues caused by a lack of trust, couple must be willing to face not only themselves, but also life itself.
This can be a difficult task as we are not keen on seeing the flaws in ourselves. Daring to Trust is the perfect guide for making sure that you are not short changing yourself when you are trying to take serious stock of your life and your trust issues.
Even if you don’t think you have issues with trust, you will quickly find out that a lot of the underlying issues in your relationship will come down to a trust deficit.
The book is straightforward and helpful, full of profound insights and practical techniques to help anyone take their relationship to the next level.
13. Getting The Sex You Want by Tammy Nelson
One of the first books I came across when my own relationship was going through a rough patch was Tammy Nelson’s Getting The Sex You Want It has proven to be a golden nugget for me.
Getting The Sex You Want goes straight to one of the most important issues any intimate relationship has to contend with: communication.
Communication is such a vital component of any successful relationship, intimate or otherwise.
Couples, young and old, struggle with communication. It gets even harder when sex is the subject. This explains why couples end up in sex-less marriages.
Tammy Nelson’s book takes techniques from couples counseling and applies them to sex. It uses a system of dialog, which allows the couples to communicate to one another.
More importantly, the book leads couples through exercises where they not only communicate, but they actually hear and reaffirm one another’s point of view.
Sometimes it is easy to think that your partner is not interested in sex or in you. In fact, the truth may simply be that there are unresolved issues that are hanging over your head.
After reading this book, you will better understand how to talk to your partner about what is bothering you and what you think can be done to fix.
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You will learn how to talk to your partner about your sex-life and the lack of intimacy in your relationship. It is one of the books that I highly recommend for people who have difficulty expressing their needs to their partners.
Both partners should read Getting The Sex You Want together so that they’re both on the same page.
14. Come As You Are by Emily Nagoski, PhD
What a fantastic title. Right? There is so much that can be unpacked in the title alone. Emily Nagoski’s Come As You Are is as suggestive as it is poignant.
In the world of intimacy and sexuality, there have been as many books written as there is research done. The problem is the fact that there is very little research done in the area of women’s sexuality.
Popular scientific hypothesis has always been that if something is true in men’s research, then it must by extension be true with women. We know now that this is not the case.
Women’s sexuality is completely different and varied. Who would have thought that huh? One of the beautiful things that have come out of Emily Nagoski’s book is the fact that every woman’s sexuality is different.
Each woman is packed with her own unique sexuality. Women vary in both their anatomy and their approach to sex and intimacy.
One of the things that make Come As You Are one of the best books on intimacy is the fact that women finally have a research based conclusion that they are normal.
There is no ‘normal’ that can be applied to any woman’s sexuality. Every woman should be enthralled in her own sexuality.
Whether she is able to reach orgasm or not, does not matter. Every woman should embrace her own sexuality and find out what works for her, rather than what society thinks fits her.
Emily Nagoski is the kind of fresh unapologetic voice that sexuality research has needed for a long time. We, both men and women need to embrace the need for more research in female sexuality.
Women’s intimacy is one area that has been neglected the most and we would all benefit from further study, both in the bedroom and the lab.
15. Sex at Dawn: How We Mate, Why We Stray, and What it Means for Modern Relationships by Christopher Ryan and Cacilda Jetha
This perennial bestseller is one of a few books to have truly changed the way humanity looks at its history. Sex at Dawn is a bit like an encyclopedic overview of human sexuality going back to the beginning of time.
It is a well-written well-researched opus on our favorite subject that we don’t like to talk about publicly. The book delivers facts about human nature and history with a funny tone that is more welcoming and less academic.
By examining our prehistoric origins in sexuality, we are able to see that a lot of what has been said about human sexuality may not be exactly accurate. The book examines our behavior and moirés and how they affect our standing in society.
Be assured, it is a controversial book. It will challenge a lot of your beliefs. The book has challenged a lot of well-respected research into human sexuality, and we are all the better for it.
If you have a genuine interest in what our sexual history can teach us, you will love this book.
It comes at the issue of human sexuality from a lot of different viewpoints, ranging from archeology and anthropology to psychosexuality and anatomy.
Sex at Dawn is universally beloved and I’m certain you will enjoy it as well.
16. The Complete Illustrated Kama Sutra by Lance Dane
The Kama Sutra is said to be the oldest book written on sex. It is the book that has given us most of the positions we now know and practice in our intimate relationships.
Few of us will ever read the original text. There have been many translations of the original work as more and more people have come to embrace the beauty of its ideas.
This book, The Complete Illustrated Kama Sutra, is one of my favorite books. It is on my list of the best books on intimacy, because it brings a new way to look at the well-known ideas of the Kama Sutra.
In the hands of a talented artist, the Kama Sutra comes alive. This is the first complete illustration of the 64 positions of the Kama Sutra.
It deals with all aspects of sexuality in human life, from the ways to give love and the ways to receive love. Lance Dane’s book is full of 269 rare images, which differentiates it from other version of this 2000-year-old book about love.
It is a unique offering for those looking to reacquaint themselves with old wisdom for today’s minds. Everyone should have a copy of this book on his or her shelf.
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17. Urban Tantra by Barbara Carrellas
Imagine spending an hour staring into your lover’s eyes while making love. That’s what most people’s idea of Tantra amounts to. The truth is a little bit different from that.
This is where an excellent book like Urban Tantra comes into the picture. It demystifies what Tantra is, and brings it into our urban environments.
Urban Tantra takes the reader from novice, through exercises of self-discovery, to the zenith of sexual ecstasy. You do not have to be a yogi or a deeply spiritual person.
Tantra is one of the best things that you can introduce into your relationship. It allows you to slow everything down and focus on your connection with your partner.
Those of us who are city dwellers know how difficult it is to slow things down. Finding time to connect can be as difficult as finding a proper bagel outside of New York City.
What I like most about Urban Tantra is that it is very beginner friendly. Even if the idea of slow sex seems foreign to you or your significant other, you can both find your way through the beauty of Tantra.
You get a chance to find a deeper version of yourself through a deep connection with your loved one.
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18. The Truth by Neil Strauss
Very few writers in popular culture have been as divisive as Neil Strauss. I thought a lot about whether to include his seminal work The Game on this list.
The Game is not so much about intimacy as it is about a pattern of behavior amongst a certain sector of men who are trying to figure out how to relate to women.
It would have been disingenuous to include The Game on a list of the best books on intimacy.
The Truth is a much more appropriate book by Neil Strauss to add to this list. In essence, The Truth is a book displaying the maturity of a man who was lost on his way to love.
It is poignant book equality satisfying as it is heart breaking. For men who read The Game, seeing Strauss come out with The Truth was very confusing.
Here was a man known for his pick up techniques and his growth in an industry that placated the lower depths of our erotic needs.
When he wrote The Truth, Strauss broke down the walls. He opened himself up, and by extension, he opened many men up.
Strauss showed what it was like for a misogynistic man to be vulnerable and embrace the fact that he is flawed. This is not something that happens in our culture often.
Men are used to being closed off and succumbing to the pressures of being male in a world that requires their aggression. The Truth is a hard book to read, because it quickly becomes a mirror.
However, it is an important read because at some point we all need to look in the mirror. The Game is also worth a read if you want to get an idea of how Strauss came to writing The Truth.
Sometimes it helps to see someone’s past so that you can understand his or her present.
19. The Sex-Starved Marriage by Michelle Weiner Davis
The Sex-Starved Marriage by Michelle Weiner Davis is one of those books that had to be on this list.
There is no overview of intimacy and intimate relationships without talking about the fact that so many relationships are sex-less. All relationships tend to start with a bang.
It is like the universe’s creation story. There is a lot of collision and fire. Lots of molding and melding happens in those first few months.
For some people it may even be the first few years that are on fire like that. But life happens. Most adults know this to be a fact.
The longer you are with someone, the more life happens. Before you know it, you are not kissing as much as you used to.
You stop communicating the way you used to. Eventually, you stop having sex as much as you used to.
Some couples go years without having sex, and still consider themselves as being in an intimate relationship. So what do you do? What can you do about it?
You read a book like The Sex Starved Marriage, that’s what you do. Mix-matched sexual desire does not need to be the end of a relationship.
With the advice of bestselling author Michelle Weiner Davis, you can bring the spark back into your relationship, whether you are married or not.
The Sex-Starved Marriage helps the reader realize that their own complacency plays a part in their sexual frustration.
If you are the high desire partner, you know how frustrating it is to always be the one asking your partner for sex and being shot down.
Michelle Weiner Davis will teach you to be a better pursuer by finding new ways to motivate your partner to want more sex and closeness.
20. Slow Sex by Diana Richardson
What is the number one thing that most people complain about when it comes to sex? A lack of pleasure. It is certainly the case when it comes to women.
Women are often left feeling unsatisfied because their partners are rushing through the process and aren’t paying enough attention to them. Sometimes the answer to this problem is clear, but we don’t always see it.
Slow Sex addresses this issue. Building intimacy in any relationship will always depend on both partners being present and participating with their whole selves.
Slow Sex suggests that we take our time and really engage with our partners. We need to slow things down, even if we think we are already going slower.
If we know that our partner likes something, we tend to go right for it, but not many of us take the time to linger.
Lingering is one of the best things you can do when it comes to satisfying your partner. Slow Sex needs to be a philosophy in your life. You will not always have the time to practice slow sex.
We all seem to have such hectic lives, but this is precisely why a book like this is needed. The lack of time is exactly why this practice is desperately needed in our lives.
There is a saying that when you feel like you don’t have time to meditate, it is exactly when you need to meditate the most. Read this book and you will find out why it is one of the best books on intimacy.
Make a commitment to practice slow sex as often as possible. Sometimes it will feel like you’re moving at a snail’s pace. What you will discover is that your partner will thoroughly enjoy the attention you are giving their body.
What are your favorite books on intimacy?