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Initiate More Often or Your Partner Will Stop
Initiate more often or your partner will stop initiating. You might think it strange that someone who loves sex and intimacy would stop chasing after you.
There is a societal belief that men only want sex and that women aren’t interested. In a long-term relationship, whether you want sex or not is kind of secondary to the survival of your intimacy.
Sometimes people are astonished when they find out that their partner of 10 or 15 years has cheated on them. What those people don’t often notice is that the signs are usually always around.
There is hardly any equality in desire. One partner is always a little more revved up than the other.
A lot of times, though not always, the man is the one who is most interested in sex. However, there comes a time when the man gets tired of being the one always initiating.
If your partner never initiates, you start to get the feeling that he or she is not interested in your intimacy. This is when people start to think about other possibilities.
If you don’t initiate more often, you run the risk of your partner being convinced that you don’t find them attractive.
And the minute they come across someone who is going to give them the warmth you lack, they might not hold back.
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Think of The Way You Feel When Chased
Everyone loves to be chased. Even men love to be chased. There are few things in the world quite as satisfying as knowing that someone wants you.
Unfortunately, men do not get to experience this feeling. We have all been so conditioned that men never get told that they’re good looking.
They’re always the ones doing the chasing and passing the compliment on to others. If you are the lower desire partner in your relationship, think about how you feel when your partner chases after you.
Think about the ego boost you get knowing that your partner finds you so sexy that he or she cannot keep their hands off of you. Don’t you think that your partner would also like to experience that feeling?
If you don’t initiate more often, you are leaving your partner hanging. You are communicating to your partner that you don’t find them attractive and you are not really all that interested in what they have to offer.
You should want for your partner to feel the same way that you feel. Your partner should get to experience the joys of being wanted the same way that you feel when you are wanted.
It is Not a Cat and Mouse Game in Long-Term Relationships
It is important to note that this is not a random cat and mouse game. Longevity in relationships depends on some level of maintenance.
Relationships are hard work. To maintain the level of intimacy that both partners will find satisfactory requires that both parties play their part in keeping the flame alight.
You can’t have the imbalance of one person doing all the pursuing and another partner just sitting back. That’s not a relationship.
That’s simply servitude. There are many people who do not seem to understand how important sex and intimacy are to a relationship.
To those people, their partners should just be happy with whatever they get. That’s not fair to the other partner. Both partners need to initiate more often.
They need to work hard together to make sure that the intimacy does not die. I have many friends in sexless marriages.
It is not necessarily true that they do not care about each other. But when only one person puts in the effort in the bedroom, they get to a point where they give up.
You can only try so much. After being rejected a few times, we tend to want to take a step back and not push anymore.
This leads the lower desire partner to think the high desire partner simply isn’t interested anymore. This leads to resentment.
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A Cure for Resentment
Resentment is going to kill most relationships. There is really no other way to look at it.
When one partner resents the other, the relationship becomes stale. I’ve seen many couples where you can feel the anger and resentment seating underneath their words.
These couples present a positive image of their relationship, but often one of them will confide in a close friend about how much their union actually sucks.
In terms of sex and intimacy in a relationship, when the lower desire partner does not initiate, they set up an environment for resentment.
It is not hard to see that when a partner decides to initiate more often, they find that the love they give their partner is a cure for resentment.
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You Don’t Know What You Don’t Know
However, it is important for the partner, who is always initiating, to be better at communication.
Yes it sucks to have to always be initiating and going after your partner. It is no fun to feel like you are always the one doing all the work.
But you have to also understand that your partner may not know that you feel the way you feel. Unless you have spoken up to tell your partner that you feel like she does not initiate sex enough, they will not know. Some people truly feel that they are doing enough.
They feel that the amount of sex the couple are having is more than enough, but the truth can only come to the fore if you are willing to communicate it. Our partners cannot read our minds.
They may come to understand us better, but they cannot always know exactly what we are thinking. Speak up and let your partner know they need to do more.
They need to step up and initiate more often. Tell your partner that they need to show you more intimacy and more warmth so that your relationship can survive.
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Mating in Captivity
If you have yet to read Esther Perel’s fantastic book Mating in Captivity, then you need to get it as soon as possible. Read it with your partner.
Listen to the audio book with your partner. Take notes. Talk about it.
Invest in your relationship. You will come away with so much information and clarity that you will understand why you are where you are in your relationship.