Techniques for equal intimacy in relationships
Learning to prioritize partner's pleasure
Achieving intimacy equality with She Comes First
Ian Kerner’s She Comes First is very much a book of this time. Its timeliness is rooted in the fact that we are now going through a period in our history where both men and women are starting to see each other in a really exciting, sexual and equivalent way.
Now I know that equality has not been achieved in every area of society, and certainly not in some of the western world’s biggest countries.
But what we have been seeing is that more and more women are demanding that their right to have an orgasm is recognized and respected.
By the same token, more men are starting to understand that it is beneficial for both partners if women are also allowed the time and space to reach climax.
It is beneficial if women are allowed to enjoy the fruits of erotic labor that men have been enjoying for a long time.
That She Comes First is readily available in most bookstores and e-retailers is a sign that readers of all walks of life understand just how important it is that there is some equality found in the bedroom.
A New Philosophy
most couples may balk at the idea that they need a book to tell them what to do.
The fact of the matter is that even in the most equitable relationships, with the most willing partners, there can be times when male partners just don’t know what to do.
You see, it is not just knowing that you should be willing to bring your partner to climax.
It is equally important and perhaps even more so, to recognize that with a little guidance and a little lighting of the path, not only can you bring your partner to climax, but you yourself can get some joy out of seeing her reach orgasm.
Enhancing bedroom equality with She Comes First
Strategies for balanced intimacy in relationships
Implementing equality in the bedroom with She Comes First
She Comes First
I had always assumed I was a good lover. But in reality, I was very much like many other men in that I prioritized my own pleasure over that of my female partners.
I always cared if my partners reached orgasm. The problem was that I held the limiting belief that many men and some women hold.
I believed for a long time that I could not bring my partner to climax but that she had to do it herself.
In truth, there was a natural belief that my partner had to bring herself to climax.
The fact is that if a woman is not mentally involved in the event or she is not into her partner, no amount of pushing, prompting or prodding will bring her to climax.
I had always assumed that if my partner showed up and was willing, then it must mean that she was prepared and should reach orgasm.
But it is not always easy to discern between a partner who is physically and mentally prepared and engaged, and one who is engaging out of a sense of obligation or pity.
This is where She Comes First comes in.
The book’s title should be viewed as an evolved philosophy in the art of intimacy.
The phrase represents a way of life in the bedroom that will change the way you approach your partner and the way you process the information she is giving you.
She Comes First, as an idea, represents selflessness that communicates to your partner without words, the love that you have for her.
It was through this shift in mentality that I was finally able to process the information my partner was giving me. How she wanted to be touched and where she wanted to be touched.
She Comes First pushed the boundaries of what was considered sex and was allowed in enflamed moments of intimacy.
It also has the added benefit of getting you to last longer in the bedroom.
When you are focused on your partner’s pleasure, it takes your mind off of all the things that usually push you right off the edge.
Bringing something new into your routine can be difficult. But the beauty of Dr. Kerner’s book is that it can be your little secret weapon.
If you are worried that your partner might be put off by the idea of you reading a book on techniques to bring her to a climax, then your partner does not have to know.
While radical honesty can be beneficial in every relationship, this is one exception.
If you tell your partner that you’ve read a great new book that’s going to help you help her reach climax, chances are she will get stuck in her own head.
She would start to think that you are playing a game of operations with her yoni while you’re making love.
You’re better off keeping it to yourself and picking a few techniques and trying them whenever you get a chance.
She Comes First is full of ideas. The beauty of the book is that the techniques are broken down into pieces and then compiled in sections that deal with specific aspects of a woman’s anatomy.
The book teaches you in an A to Z manner about a woman’s anatomy and her erogenous zones and then guides you in how to turn her on.
Dr. Kerner provides you with different templates for how to bring the best out of your partner’s loving capacity.
You get step-by-step movements and consistency that will unlock your partner in ways that she had never imagined before.
Related Post:
Take Your Time & Develop Your Pattern
Amid the excitement of a tool like She Comes First, it may seem a little difficult to figure out exactly what to do.
Adapting to a new philosophy of lovemaking is not easy, because as humans we tend to revert back to type.
Without a proper system or guideline in place, we have a tendency to go back to what we know already works.
What you get out of this book, are the guidelines.
The best way that I have found for using the information in this wonderful book, is to select a pattern –and there are quite a few patterns that one can follow.
Stick to that pattern for a few intimate sessions until you feel comfortable with what you’re doing and see how your partner(s) react to you.
Of course, you don’t want to always do the same thing every single time and risk your partner feeling, like you’re trying to work her like a machine.
Although if you are bringing her to orgasm, she will seldom complain that what you are doing is robotic.
Don’t be afraid to switch things up. She Comes First gives you many options.
If you have a partner who is super sensitive and cannot handle too much direct contact, you can change things up and go with another pattern and see what works.
But also don’t be afraid to communicate with your partner about what works for her.
She may not need to know that you’re learning new techniques to please her. However she would be more than happy to hear that you are interested in pleasing her and ultimately make her happy.
Invest in Your Intimate Life
The world we live in is changing rapidly. When it comes to our intimate practices, we all know what is coming, but it doesn’t have to be scary.
The change doesn’t have to be bothersome.
We all know that if our partners are happy, we will be equally happy in turn.
The bedroom appears to be one of the last places where we are willing to have legitimate discussions about what we want and what we need.
Not every woman is confident enough to tell her partner what she wants.
Likewise not every man is conscious enough about his actions to recognize when he is leaving his partner behind when it comes to satisfaction in the bedroom.
A Different Focus
The more we focus on our partner first, the better we will be.
It will help us last longer in the bedroom, and it will communicate to our partner in no uncertain terms that we care about their needs just as much as we care about our own.
She Comes First is not just a book of a top order; it is a new philosophy by which we must lead our bedroom lives.
Dr. Kerner has written a work of art with all the directions and directives we need to be able to bring our partner to ecstasy.
You owe it to yourself and your partner to read this wonderful book and to put its lessons to practice.
In this new era of equitable orgasm, putting into practice all the things we learn is a surefire way to make sure our intimate lives are full of lustful fire.
Have you read She Comes First? What do you like about it?
Related Post: Tantric Massage Techniques for Couples